“Does he really love me? Is he making out with someone else? Why does he treat me the way he does?” These are questions which are asked every second of every day everywhere in the world. We have all at some stage had doubts about the health of our relationship. The problem is that within every relationship exists a level of blindness which causes confusion and the inability to focus on what is actually happening. This is where a third party with an unbiased view can be of crucial importance to saving a flagging relationship.

More often than not relationships fail because of bad judgement by the partners involved. Bad judgements are made because of three major reasons:  lack of communication, mistrust and jealousy.  In days gone by mediators abounded.  Well meaning family members and friends were always there to offer advice and assistance. Today we usually have to pay for that privilege in the form of marriage counselors, therapists, mediators, and even legal eagles.

1) Lack Of Communication

Often, a relationship will reach a point where partners just stop sharing and communicating. They can disguise their feelings and resist or no longer see any need to discuss their lives in any personal form. Relationships can reach a point where each partner finds their own individual niche in life. They make new friends or rekindle past friendships, they take on new pastimes; habits, and their general lifestyle changes from a partnership to one of individual interest. They rarely share a meal together let alone going out together as they once did.

2) Mistrust

Because partners no longer communicate their daily events, their each left to draw their own conclusions about what the other is doing. This often leads to sporadic fights and accusations, followed by long periods of non-communicative behaviour where issues are left to brew and stew, becoming even more magnified.  They begin to suspect each other of infidelity.  They do wish for a better lifestyle and often seek and find one.

3) Jealousy

A weapon for which there is little defence. Unfortunately, a jealous partner can cause significant problems for their subject. When the partnership becomes competitive, then a breeding ground for jealousy begins to develop. If one patner is earning more money than the other, or has more friends, goes out more or is percieved to be getting the easy end of the stick within the relationship by their partner, then jealousy is not far behind.

To get relief for jealousy, a jealous partner needs to bring you down a peg or two. They need to get some gratification in knowing you are suffering. They can slander you, spread rumours about you, and even go to far and cause you physical and mental pain. Having an affair just to, “get back at you,” makes sense to them.

The Easy Answer

Right from the beginning of a relationship, partners should agree to open communication. It is imperetive that communication lines stay open at all times. Serious wars have been started, millions killed, because of a lack of communication. You need to be able to speak about your aches and pains, your emotions, your grievences, and anything that brings on free flowing and constant conversation.

To do this calls for each to be a good listener and understanding partner. No relationship floats on cloud nine forever, so there will be times when problems arise. This is where good communication and unerstanding partners are vital. Conquer communication and you have conquered mistrust and jealousy. If you talk about things, then positive results can be acheived.

The Hard Answer

If a relationship reaches a point where it seems irreconcillable, then that’s when you may need to seek professional help. If the partners feel the need to solve their issues, perhaps for the childrens’ sake or hopefully, they can see saving their relationship is worth the chance, then there is no shame in getting help from qualified marriage counsellors.

While it may seem to you right now that no one understands or that you are alone with this, you should know that there are qualified people out there who can offer help, can give you good advice and perhaps find ways to help you reconcile with your partner. Counsellors deal with these issues daily and can help you find your way.

Love, LauraL